V Dubb A.K.A Stella Listed in stable but Critical Condition...

I'm afraid to announce that Stella was admitted late last night at Riverwalk garage after her plastic implants gave way under too much pressure. She had just been released with a clean bill of health earlier after complaining of being ignored by the Surgeon General for at least two months.

I had the privilege of an exclusive interview with 'Stella' en route on the back of a Triple A ambulance. (AAA). By the way, she's holding me responsible for last nights mishap... and I have edited out the expletives used during this brief conversation before she lapsed into a comma.

"It all started prior to Christmas when he (V^6) promised me some Nitrous implants, which he claimed would increase my versatility or so he claimed. Weell... he hooked me up with what he called the NOS (N2O) kit, to be honest, all I saw was a bunch of jets, lines, nozzles, fitting guages, adapters, a bottle valve, a solenoid and a 10 pound bottle, like I need extra pounds to lug around. why did you have to fill the bottle up today....... " (the rest was incoherent blubber with cursing in between)

I'll fill in the blanks and in my defense, I came down to PA to visit folks and chill with my nephews for a couple of days. Earlier in the morning, V^6 asked me to fill up the N2O bottle during my mbururu's. My understanding was Stella hadn't received any luving since Christmas and was bitching about it, claiming "I feel the need for speed."

Call me superstitious but if you ask me, there's a reason why the 29th of Feb only happens in 4 years. Anyway, after fixing a couple of leaks, we took her for a test ride on our way to get some cheese steaks for dinner. V^6 may have a different recollection, but I had a better vantage point from the passenger seat despite it all happening so quick. We had just entered the highway and he punched the switch once and you could feel the kick for a sec or so, then the check engine light came on. After a little down-shift and up-shift, she shut off completely but the car was still cruising down the road. Solution: shift to third gear and pop the clutch.

Well, it worked like a charm and Stella roared back to life, but with a vengeance. It is widely known that Hell hath No Fury like a woman scorned. I was there and back. All I saw was a brief bright blueish -reddish -yellowish -purplish -greenish -magentaish light (V^6 claims not to have seen it -he's still in denial...) and heard and felt a loud BIG BANG!! and I can sincerely swear that her front wheels leaped a good 5 inches off the road, but I could be wrong. Without irrefutable evidence, I cannot ascertain whether my heart stopped or skipped a few beats.

She managed to crawl to the side of the road, puffing and huffing, spitting out pieces of plastic and probably rubber too. From initial diagnoses, the intake manifold gave way and split into several dozen pieces. After a try or two, she kept coughing and backfiring too much, making clacking sounds somewhere below, we finally decided it was better to tow her home, and besides, it was cold out and snow was threatening to fall on us. The ambulance was dispatched.

Needles to say, the Surgeon General says Stella is currently stable on Life-support and in dire need for an organ transplant. She is not seeing any visitors or well wishers at the moment. In my opinion as her Health care proxy and votes from friends and family, without a matching donor, I might ask the Doctor to write up a DNR order on her.